Feel like you're losing it?

Feel like you’re losing it? It’s not your fault & here’s why. Dysregulation.

Hey there! Welcome back to our newsletter. Today, we’re diving into something really important that affects many of us at some point, even those who seem to have it all together: dysregulation. It might sound like a complicated, fancy term—we’re here to break it down and help you understand what it is, how it shows up, and what you can do about it. Let’s get started!

So, What Exactly is Dysregulation?

Dysregulation happens when your nervous system can’t effectively manage your stress. Think of your nervous system as a finely tuned instrument. When it’s in tune, you can handle the ups and downs of life smoothly. But when it’s out of tune, you might overreact to small things or feel overwhelmed more easily.

Or think of yourself as a bowling lane. When the kids are playing, there are buffers on either side. The ball won’t fall to the side, and it stays on the main path. Take those buffers away, and quite a few balls will go wide into the gulleys.

I also think of it as the opposite of flat. We are wired and reactive, and it shows. It shows in our faces and expressions. It shows in our behaviours, which are often bigger and louder than usual. It shows in how hard it is to settle down quickly and move on.

How Dysregulation Shows Up

Dysregulation can show up in various ways, and it’s not always obvious. Here are some of the more common signs:

1. Emotional Roller Coaster: You might find yourself swinging from calm to angry or anxious in a flash. And feel deep shame when you do, especially if it’s in front of others.

2. Chronic Stress: Feeling constantly stressed, even when there’s no immediate reason for it. Often feeling jumpy or wired or irritable (or all of the above).

3. Physical Symptoms: Headaches, stomachaches, or muscle tension that doesn’t seem to have a medical cause. These are often part of normal stress or anxiety, and here, they may be much more severe and constant.

4. Sleep Issues: Trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up feeling rested. Sleep is the best medicine you can get. Even small drops in sleep quality (more than sleep time) can have profound effects. The lack of sleep alone makes us even more irritable and reactive, and we sleep even worse. It’s a vicious cycle, for sure.

5. Difficulty Concentrating: Finding it hard to focus or feeling like your mind is constantly racing. You might find yourself trying hard to push through and even using caffeine, energy drinks, sugar or other stimulants to try and just keep powering through.

Eventually, though, your body will call a halt. It will just stop.

6. Social Withdrawal: Pulling away from friends and family because social interactions feel overwhelming. The people who ground you and bring you joy (hopefully) can get pushed away. That makes the situation even worse. You don’t have the bandwidth or seem to have the patience to face them right now.

How to Recognise When You’re Dysregulated

Recognising dysregulation is the first step to addressing it. Here are some clues that you might be dysregulated:

1. Mood Swings: Notice if your moods change rapidly or if small things set you off more than usual. You might not admit it to yourself to start with. Others around you might make comments that suggest you’re heading this way.

2. Persistent Fatigue: Feeling tired all the time, even after a full night’s sleep (if you can get that). Motivation often tanks at this point too. Showing these full emotions on your sleeve is exhausting, and the accompanying adrenaline (fast stress hormone) and cortisol (slower and more persistent stress hormone) can eventually fall precipitously, leading to that crash.

3. Overwhelm: Regularly feeling like you have too much on your plate, even if your schedule hasn’t changed. You’re tired and struggling to concentrate, so even things you normally find simple or straightforward can cause overwhelm.

4. Physical Discomfort: Experiencing unexplained aches and pains (almost anywhere but particularly your jaw, face, neck and shoulders. You may even find yourself clenching your fists.)

5. Restlessness: Having a hard time relaxing or sitting still. With all that adrenaline and cortisol coursing through your veins, you feel a need to move; you’re in that flight or fight response.

6. Disconnection: Feeling detached from your emotions or those around you. You can feel a sense of looking down on yourself, which can be really distressing.

What to Do About Dysregulation And Regain Control

Now that you know what dysregulation looks like, let’s talk about what you can do to get your nervous system back in tune.

1. Mindfulness Practices

Practising mindfulness can help restore your nervous system's balance. Try meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga. Even just a few minutes a day can make a big difference. Meditation can take some practice, so if it feels too much, try something else.

Somatic therapy exercises also help here - especially when you’re right in it. They can quickly help you gain control.

Activities like tapping, hugging yourself (running your hands up and down the opposite upper arms), self-havening techniques, and more can restore calm in the moment. There are lots of free resources out there to help here, including lots of very brief informative Instagram reels.

2. Regular Physical Activity

Exercise is a natural stress reliever. Finding the motivation or bandwidth to do it in the thick of things can be tough. You always appreciate that you did it afterwards. Find an activity you enjoy—whether it’s walking, dancing, or hitting the gym—and make it a regular part of your routine.

3. Healthy Sleep Habits

Good sleep is crucial for a well-regulated nervous system. Create a calming bedtime routine, avoid screens before bed, and try to go to sleep and wake up at the same time each day.

4. Social Connections

Spending time with friends and family can help you feel grounded and supported. Don’t be afraid to reach out to loved ones, even if it’s just for a quick chat.

5. Professional Help

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, consider talking to a therapist or counselor. They can provide tools and strategies to help you manage stress and regulate your emotions.

6. Grounding Techniques

Grounding exercises can help you feel more present and connected. Try simple techniques like focusing on your breath, feeling your feet on the ground, or using your senses to return to the present moment.

7. Healthy Eating

What you eat can affect how you feel. Try to maintain a balanced diet with plenty of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Avoid excessive caffeine and sugar, which can contribute to mood swings and anxiety.

Some Final Thoughts

Dysregulation can affect anyone, even the most successful adults. By recognising the signs and taking steps to regulate your nervous system, you can improve your emotional and physical well-being. Remember, it’s okay to seek help and take time for yourself. Your well-being is worth it!

Thanks for hanging out with us today. Stay tuned for more tips and insights in our upcoming newsletters. Take care and stay balanced!